Heartofoshun's place

fuckyeahnaturalphilosophy:

teacupsandmayhem:

fuckyeahnaturalphilosophy:

mymamalai:

wellntruly:

Astonishing things that are happening so far in Master and Commander:

I don’t know what I was expecting, given that the entire world plus the back of my copy sincerely calls this the “Aubrey-Maturin novels,” which we all know is just because they hadn’t thought to use a /, but still I was not prepared for this book to literally open with a meet cute. Specifically, a meet cute wherein our solid sea-honed ~presence~ of a British Royal Navy Officer is so overcome by the beauty of the music recital he’s attending that he cannot help banging his fist upon his knee to the melody, and is promptly and devastatingly shushed by this intense little slip of an Irish physician, upon which Jack Aubrey’s response to being sassed by Stephen Maturin is to have even more feelings than he was already having about the music, and then less than 24 hours later run up to him in the street, effuse how very sorry he is, and invite him to become his best friend. And THEN it comes out that this delicate doctor is actually wasting away on account of the patient he’d come to Menorca to treat having died without paying him, and is now sleeping in the fucking abandoned ruins of a chapel up on a hill and calling all his animal roommates by their Latinate names and hasn’t really eaten in god knows when, and Jack is like OMG NO, OMG NO COME LIVE ON MY NEW SLOOP WITH ME AND I’LL FEED YOU ALL THE TIME, and Stephen’s like Could I Possibly? and Jack’s like YES!!, and then rushes around getting his snug little boat ready while daydreaming about when he can get Stephen aboard and at last have someone with whom he can share his thoughts and joys and feelings about beautiful music. And then in Classic™ Plot™ Jack sends a messenger to tell Stephen that he’s going to miss their next meal because he’s taking his ship out for a test sail before they embark, but Stephen DOESN’T GET THE MESSAGE and comes down to the docks with his wee bag to see Jack’s ship sailing away and thinks, I paraphrase but only barely: “this is what I get for thinking I might at last have something nice, I cannot believe I allowed myself to lower my defenses so completely because now I am Heartbroken,” and palely glares the fuck out of the poor kid who finally rushes up to give him the message that Jack’ll be back to fetch him in a couple hours.

Other things that have happened include three four separate mentions of, to use the parlance, sodomy, including the Confirmed Gay aboard having already developed a crush on golden-haired Commander Aubrey. Meanwhile our absolutely hapless Dr. Maturin is belowdecks cracking his head into a low beam so hard he sees stars and then valiantly pretending he’s not dazed when Jack bounds down to happily offer him eggs and bacon and coffee.

And then the other 30% of this is long streams of sailing words that I do not know yet. I AM HAVING THE BEST TIME.

Another SUPER GREAT thing that happens in these books is the time Stephen brings a sloth onboard (after being told not to) and when it sees Jack it BURIES ITS FACE IN STEPHEN’S JACKET AND CRIES. And Jack is so WOUNDED by this because animals and babies love him that he starts feeding it and giving it plates of rum.

Of course the sloth gets drunk and Stephen is livid and all “you have debased my sloth!” so they have a fight but it’s in FRENCH because they don’t want The Men to know that they’re arguing.

And that’s just like the first 5 pages of one of these books. They are a TREASURE and I really need to get back to this series.

Coming back to this to add:

• Post Captain (book two) aka Pride and Prejudice and Post Captains. Gives us adorkable old married couple cohabitation ashore. Jack thinks of Stephen as a “slut”.
  Mrs. Williams is suspicious of the things she’s heard about naval officers. Christy Pallière is such a beautiful French bro I love him
  FLORA THE BEAR WILL NOT DANCE FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT
  How about a romantic cross-country journey to a castle in Spain lolololol poor Jack
  Diana plz stop you’re breaking my heart

• H.M.S. Surprise (book three) has all the most exquisite hurt/comfort, all the *debauched sloths, and all my dear love.
  Jack saves Stephen and I cry like a disgusting snot golem every time
  Stephen teaching Bonden how to read by having him write down poems that Stephen comes up with, and then Stephen goes “BY GOD I BELIEVE I SEE THE ALBATROSS” and Bonden just keeps on writing it down because he’s precious
  D I A N A,  N O
  There’s this kid named Dil who pretty much adopts Stephen to keep him safe and also believes he might be a were-bear.
  The crowning gem of the early series ❤

• The Mauritius Command (book four) so much meta on what these two think of each other, and how others perceive them. oh my sweet boys.
  Clonfert would have been one of those Instagram guys and yeah
  That one drunken Russian captain is probably my patronus

• Desolation Island (book five) omg Stephen, bby, you found the Beta Couple of you and Diana and ur not okay.
  As a reader, you will become scared that the Waakzaamheid will jump out of your closet and follow you in parking lots. Scary bote. :<

• The Fortune of War (book six) best Stephen sneaky sneaking, holy shit. He gave that guy the d and now the dude ded. Peak sneaky Stephen. Goddam. Take that, ‘Murica!

• The Surgeon’s Mate (book seven) EVERYONE IS IN LOVE WITH JAGIELLO BECAUSE HE IS PERFECT, GOD WHAT A BABE. Best prison break plan ever. Entirely on the merits of how pretty Jagiello is and how boss Jack is at pulleys.  But mostly: Jagiello’s loins. Amazing.

• The Ionian Mission (book eight) like the Bachelorette but with Jack trying to pick between various Ottoman-affiliated potentates, and very nearly being seduced by the guy with the biggest, fanciest cannons.
  I also believe this was the book where the locals all started calling Pullings “the maiden” as a nickname. The whole town pretty much is ready to go into mourning this one time Jack misspeaks and gives them all the impression that Pullings dies. Never has one town stanned Thomas Pullings so hard.

• Treason’s Harbour (book nine)
  Babbington and his ship crammed full of lesbians.
  The Royal Navy vs. Ghouls and Genies—Team Navy: 0; Team Spooky: 10.
  No one plays the whore and it depresses Jack extremely.
  Ponto is a good dog and a crazy shipper who keeps trying to make his OTP happen.

• The Far Side of the World (book ten)
  KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, book!MR. HOLLOM, U STUPID BASTARD ;____;
  Jack and Stephen are rescued from disaster by a boat full of Polynesian feminists and we establish how much cooler Polynesian ships are than anything else that floats 10/10 the dick is literally taboo

• The Reverse of the Medal (book eleven)
  Jack meets his mini me and Sam Panda is a perfect ray of sunshine. Sam Panda for pope!
  Otherwise: you cry an ocean. This book is pain. I never let myself skip this book because Jack needs me there with him for support, and I know if I don’t read it he’ll suffer more.

• The Letter of Marque (book twelve)
  OH THE YEAR WAS 1812 / HOW I WISH I WAS IN SHELMERSTON NOOOOOOWWW / A LETTER OF MARQUE CAME FROM THE KING / TO THE MOST PERFECT VESSEL I’VE EVER SEEN, THE DEAR SURPRISE

• The Thirteen Gun Salute (book thirteen)
  Stephen holds hands with an orangutan and it’s the purest fucking goddam content in literary history. Also: there’s a bit where Stephen is obliquely referring to the sultan’s “cupbearer” (*winkwink*) as “Ganymede”, and Jack thinks he’s talking about the moon of Jupiter, which gives us:
  ‘I was up with him all last night, and should be this night were it not for the Sultan’s visit tomorrow. Such an endearing little pale golden body as he peeps out – he is easily my favourite. But I shall still have him almost all night, once the Sultan is done with.‘ 
  ‘Shall you, though?’ said Stephen, looking at his friend’s pleased, well-fed face, rather more florid than usual from the Sultan’s wine; and after a pause, ‘Brother, can we be talking of the same thing?’

• The Nutmeg of Consolation (book fourteen)
  LADY PIRATES YESSSS
  Australia is filled with horror and all of it is the penal colony
  PADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN MY SWEET BOY
  Stephen trying to find a way to admit to Jack that he couldn’t find anything whatsoever endearing from a natural philosophical perspective about his one really bad Outback trek is fuckin’ hilarious
  The most brutally badass Stephen dialogue. This one guy punches him after a dinner party and the Stephen Murder Energy is so strong and sexy
  Stephen is so excited about a platypus that he literally almost dies gods bless this sweet natural philosopher doofus

• Clarissa Oakes/The Truelove (book fifteen)
  Clarissa Oakes is so fucking brave and hardcore and made out of intelligent, articulate STEEL.
  The whole ship is also obsessed with her
  She’s perfect
  Shut up
  I want to knit her sweaters but she doesn’t need my help because I am a weak and unworthy animal
  C L A R I S S A

• The Wine-Dark Sea (book sixteen)
  Dutourd is a lame-ass communist hippie dumbfuck “noble savage” fetishising useless piece of shit and his fate healed me and also gave me a plate of properly done tofu in apology for the sins of others
  All the good historical Cochrane in South America adventures!
  Stephen Maturin goes on a road trip through the Andes and is basically mentally doing the opening scene from “The Sound of Music” over and over again: just Stephen, in a Peruvian meadow, spinning round and round while singing and also doing cocaine but it’s Stephen wcyd

• The Commodore (book seventeen)
  Itty bitty baby Brigid is the purest child we must protect her
  That one scene where Jack’s playing his fiddle alone and Stephen listens in and it’s…
  “Now, in the warm night, there was no one to be comforted, kept in
  countenance, no one could scorn him for virtuosity, and he could let
  himself go entirely; and as the grave and subtle music wound on and on,
  Stephen once more contemplated on the apparent contradiction between the
  big, cheerful, florid sea-officer whom most people liked on sight but
  who would have never been described as subtle or capable of subtlety by
  any one of them (except perhaps his surviving opponents in battle) and
  the intricate, reflective music he was now creating. So utterly unlike
  his limited vocabulary in words, at times verging upon the inarticulate.’
  God i cry

• The Yellow Admiral (book eighteen)
  Jack? Hey Jack? You did seriously fuck up, there, buddy.
  Clarissa continuing to be a great human being and also helping Sophie will endear her to me forever
  These girls are the best
  For a series without a lot of screentime for its female characters, I have no idea how I managed to fall so brutally hard in love with all of them (except Mrs. Williams, obviously)

• The Hundred Days (book nineteen)
  jesus okay so some shit goes down and none of us are okay
  But Napoleon is there.
  So that kind of helps.
  But not very much.
  ;___________;
  Other stuff happens, but mostly my heart broke at the outset

• Blue at the Mizzen (book twenty)
  Christ this book is so well-written though
  O’Brian gets better with age? How was that possible?
  Look, I’m not spoiling any part of the last complete novel of a twenty-book series for you. But holy moly. At this point you can’t imagine an existence without Jack and Stephen. You don’t want to imagine an existence without Jack and Stephen. It’s been twenty books, and you’ve grown with them and laughed with them and cried with them. This isn’t literature. This isn’t fiction. THIS IS LOVE.

  I love Patrick O’Brian a lot.

*raises hand* O Teacher, which book features Stephen and the hideous (read: AMAZING) burlap (tweed?) Onesie?

*tries and fails to use projector technology*

“Yes, yes, that’s a very good question! The infamous ‘woollen garment’ (or ‘natural philosnuggie’) was, of course, what Stephen wore while clambering aboard the Lively in Post Captain.”

*accidentally deletes own PowerPoint*

“The fact that Stephen was clutching a narwhal horn as he came aboard and then immediately set loose a whole swarm of bees in the captain’s cabin will be on the exam.”